I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize