And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
