U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
