Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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