im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
