are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
