remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
