I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this boner is exhausting
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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