i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
bring money and cleavage
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
