I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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