Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
