I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
