Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
