He asked to "fluff my boner.."
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize