I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
