Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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