they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
