I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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