He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
