So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
