My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
