First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
