I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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