So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
