There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
