Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
