Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
