I'm going to jail i love you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
