Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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