I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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