They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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