He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
