please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
