remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
