I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
