You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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