I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
