i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
