Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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