ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
