Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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