The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
