do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
These tits shall not be calmed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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