how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
