Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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