i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
