he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
