Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
