Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In other news, I just burned my penis
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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