If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
