today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
