Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
