I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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