Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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