he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
