aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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