We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
