Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
