I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
