your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
