it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
