my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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