I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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