My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
