Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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