yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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