the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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