If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
